I Closed My Eyes: Revelations of a Battered Woman - Softcover

In the past three decades I have published more than a million words. As a journalist and author producing articles, essays, chapters and books, I remain most proud personally and professionally of the words in this book.

The initial publication in 1999 changed my life. The courage it took to leave my marriage to a man who by all accounts seemed perfect to everyone else, is dwarfed by the courage it took to place my truth into the world on a large stage.

At an extraordinarily demanding time beginning in 1995, as a newly single working mother of three sons, ages 6, 4 and 1, I began to write. Over three years, I wrote in stolen moments before and after teaching graduate and undergraduate journalism classes at Northwestern University's Medill School. I wrote before and after filing stories as a contributing freelance weekly columnist for the Chicago Tribune and other monthly magazines. I wrote at 3 a.m. as my sons slept. I wrote while the boys napped or after I dropped them off at pre-school. I wrote feverishly and with determination because I had to tell my story. I could not continue as a journalist telling other people's stories ignoring the biggest truth in my own life.

My understanding of myself and my role in my marriage - and eventually peace--arrived with the process of honestly taking control of the past by putting it into my own words. I could see that living it made no sense. But writing about the chaos and the years of deception made it all quite clear. My mission was to transform the inexplicable violence I endured into a story that for me was no longer shameful. My intent was also to make other women like me not feel so alone. If I could help one other woman feeling the same desparation and despair it was enough.

I believe wholeheartedly that I succeeded.

When I re-read the words I wrote in this book, I cannot imagine writing them today. Every chapter, every episode feels as if this all happened to someone else. I am not the same person who witnessed this life. But when I reread each chapter, I am transported back to that time and feel briefly engulfed in the backlash of those emotions. I viscerally recall the crippling energy drain of trying to contain my secret and making everything appear normal in a life that was not.

The process of publishing this book at first more than a decade ago was not easy. And my life was not instantly transformed as a result.
What I have learned in telling this story openly is that domestic violence is everywhere. In no culture on this planet, is there a society absent of domestic violence.

A Cheyenne proverb begins, "A people is not conquered until the hearts of the women are on the ground. No matter how brave its warriors or how strong their weapons, then it is finished."

It is not a finish any of us want.

I have tried to use my words to further the mission of minimizing if not eliminating partner violence. I hope and believe that I have in a small way helped.

Praise for I Closed My Eyes:

"This isn't only a story about domestic violence. It is also a book about an empowered woman, seprate froma man who possessed her, as she reclaimed her true self."
-- Lynn C. Tolson, Beyond the Tears: A True Survivor's Story

"Michele Weldon is an intelligent, self-confident, talented journalist. During a time when memoirs are the hot ticket to publication, Weldon's is written better than most and carries a strong message."--Booklist

"I love this book. The honesty of the author andf her courage are outstandind and an inpsiration to women everywhere."-- Goodreads

"A potent and painfully honest chronicle."--Atlanta Journal-Constitution

 "Michele Weldon unabashedly expresses her emotions and keenly analyzes past events that add depth to her story."     -Chicago Tribune

 "Weldon's writing is gripping, brutally honest and so true ~~ and it hit home. So close to the dark secrets in your heart."   --Amazon.com reviewer

 
Michele Weldon has been an award-winning journalist and author for more than three decades. She has published three books and contributed chapters to four anthologies. Weldon has written for newspapers, magazines, websites and radio such as Huffington Post, Chicago Tribune, Los Angeles Times, Newsday, Chicago Sun-Times, CNN.com, More.com, Alternet,org, Dallas Times Herald, Parenting, Woman's Day, womensenews  and many more. She has taught journalism on the graduate and undergraduate levels at the Medill School at Northwestern University since 1996. Weldon speaks around the country on issues related to women and the media and has been featured on television and radio such as National Public Radio, "The Oprah Winfrey Show," BBC-TV and many others. She is the mother of three sons and lives in the Chicago area.