The Science of Making Friends: Helping Socially Challenged Teens and Young Adults - Softcover

Well-meaning parents often give teens and young adults advice on how to meet new people. The problem is that the advice we give is often wrong! We might tell them to go up and say “Hi” or introduce themselves, yet in reality is this is not what socially accepted teens and young adults do to meet new people.

When trying to start a conversation with someone you don’t know, here’s what really works:

1. Casually look over at the person to show interest but don’t stare.

2. Use a prop to make it look like you're focused on something else (e.g., your smartphone).

3. Look for a common interest that you both appear to share (e.g., you both have the same phone).

4. Make a comment related to the common interest (e.g., “I see you have the new iPhone. How do you like it?”).

5. Trade information about the common interest by asking follow-up questions and sharing related information about yourself (e.g., “I love my iPhone”).

6. Assess the person’s interest:

a. Are they talking to you?

b. Are they facing you?

c. Are they looking at you?

7. If they seem interested, introduce yourself (e.g., “By the way, I’m Liz”).

This book offers a groundbreaking approach for helping socially challenged teens and young adults make and keep friends. Based on UCLA's acclaimed PEERS program—the only evidence-based approach of its kind in the world—this accessible book and DVD offer the tools parents and educators need to become "social coaches" to the teens and young adults in their lives. Elizabeth Laugeson, an internationally known social skills expert, provides research-supported

• Rules and steps for social skills
• Ideas for parents or other adults to assist in improving conversational skills
• Tips for expanding social opportunities
• Strategies for handling peer rejection and bullying
• Plans for developing and enhancing friendships

The book includes chapter summaries for teens and young adults, plus a DVD with video demonstrations that illustrate key skills.

“Dr. Liz Laugeson has devoted her career to studying the behaviors that lead to social failure and finding ways to teach alternate ways of acting. If you follow the guidelines [in Dr. Laugeson's book], I guarantee you will see greater social success. And that is one of the best predictors of happiness and good life outcome. I can't stress strongly enough what it’s meant to me."
—John Elder Robison, New York Times bestselling author, Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger's

"More than simply a list of social skills, this book takes readers through an almost chronological journey from how to find a potential group of friends to what to do to make a friend to how to talk to and engage with that person—a journey that is well worth taking."
—Catherine Lord, Ph.D., director, Center for Autism and the Developing Brain; professor, Columbia University

"Coping with the confusing, conflicting, and complex demands of the social world is one of the biggest challenges for those with autism. There is a pressing need for evidence-based interventions to support these young people and Laugeson's book is one of the first to help fill this gap."
—Patricia Howlin, emeritus professor of Clinical Child Psychology, King's College London

"We often think of friendship as more an art than a science, but Laugeson's work proves otherwise. Accurate, concise, and highly useful, the book sets a new standard for translating research into practice."
—Peter F. Gerhardt, Ed.D., clinical director, The Amal Group, and chair of the Scientific Council of the Organization for Autism Research